What Can You Do if Your Co-Parent Undermines You in Front of Your Child?

What Can You Do if Your Co-Parent Undermines You in Front of Your Child?

Parenting can be hard enough. Co-parenting can be even harder. But perhaps the hardest struggles in parenting occur when one parent actively undermines the other. Whether it’s subtle digs about your rules or blatant insults spoken in front of the kids, this behavior can harm your child’s emotional stability and your relationship.

At Iafrate & Salassa, P.C., we understand the anxiety this causes. If you are dealing with a co-parent who undermines you:

• Do not escalate in the moment
• Document the behavior
• Shift to written communication methods
• Set firm boundaries
• Seek legal advice

With nearly 50 years of combined experience in Michigan family law, our attorneys have seen how high-conflict dynamics can negatively impact families. We are here to help you address this stressful situation with compassionate counsel and cost-effective legal solutions.

What Harmful Behaviors Should You Look Out For?

Undermining isn’t always as obvious as a shouting match. It can manifest in manipulative behaviors designed to erode your authority or your bond with your child. Be on the lookout for actions like:

• Badmouthing: Calling you names or disparaging your character within earshot of the child.
• Rule Interference: Telling the child they don’t have to follow your rules or mocking your parenting style.
• The “Messenger” Ask: Forcing the child to deliver angry messages or interrogate you about your personal life.
• Guilt Tripping: Making the child feel bad for enjoying time spent with you.

These behaviors, repeated over time, may create loyalty conflicts that can force children to choose sides between two people they love.

Why Is It Important to Respond Without Escalating the Situation?

When your ex insults you, your instinct is likely to defend yourself. However, engaging in a verbal battle in front of your children can be damaging. Reacting with anger inadvertently makes you participate in the chaos. By remaining calm, you provide your child with a safe space where they don’t have to worry about triggering a fight. Your stability offers them the security they may not be getting from the other parent.

What Communication Strategies Can Help Resolve Parental Tension?

You cannot control your co-parent’s words, but you can control how you engage. One of the most effective methods for high-conflict co-parenting is the BIFF response method. When you receive a hostile text or email, ensure your reply is:

• Brief: Keep it short to reduce the chances of a prolonged argument.
• Informative: Stick to the facts (pick-up times, medical appointments) and leave out opinions.
• Friendly: Maintain a neutral, polite tone (e.g., “Thanks for the update”).
• Firm: Clearly state your position or the established boundary without leaving room for debate.

You may also want to consider using a dedicated co-parenting app. These tools document all communication, which can be invaluable evidence if you eventually need to return to court.

When Should You Involve an Attorney?

There is a difference between a difficult co-parent and one who is engaging in parental alienation. Alienation occurs when one parent systematically attempts to destroy the child’s relationship with the other parent.

You should consult with an attorney if:

• Your child begins repeating adult language or lies about you that they clearly learned from the other parent.
• Your co-parent consistently violates the custody order to keep the child from you.
• The child suddenly refuses to see you without a clear reason.

In these instances, legal remedies may be available, such as court-ordered family therapy or a modification of the custody agreement to protect your child’s best interests.

Get the Support You Need From Iafrate & Salassa, P.C.

You do not have to handle a hostile co-parent on your own. If undermining behavior is threatening your relationship with your child to the point of needing legal intervention, Iafrate & Salassa, P.C. is ready to advocate for you. We serve clients throughout the Metro Detroit area with the skill and empathy your family deserves.

Contact us today to schedule a consultation and let us guide your family toward a more peaceful future.